Status Updates

People sometimes comment that they like my status updates. Other times they comment that my status updates suck. Either way just fucking deal with it. Here are some that could be fun. ?

It's probably for the best that tigers are an endangered species. They're simply too dangerous.

Do all male mammals have dicks? I assume so.

I think it's time for Shawn Mullins to stop putting out albums. We get it, you had that one song.

What the hell is that dripping onto me from an awning on 8th St.? If it's urine I'm going to be upset.

Not sure you should be wearing a Baby Phat t shirt if you have too much of the adult kind.

Please let me know when Douchey McDouche Tim Tebow retires. Nobody wants to read your vain, poorly written book. Nobody cool anyway.

Tripped while walking up stairs behind a hot girl. Immediately countered it by telling her I'm good in bed.

You ever clap too close to your head and it makes your ears ring? That shouldn't be possible.

It's always disheartening to see soccer players using a baseball field. Fucking it all up with their dorkrod long socks.

It sucks when you're working and you leave a message for someone to call you back and then they do. Cause then you have to do more work.