iPhone Application

Rest assured I won't be installing the LinkedIn application for my iPhone anytime soon. The day I can't wait to log in to my work computer to get some business networking done is the day I shoot myself in the back of the head.

I guess I'll make an exception for people job hunting so I only come across as 75% asshole. Other than that, if you're walking around town trying to join a San Francisco area Java networking group on your iPhone and I see you I am going to splash puddle water on you and your phone and then haul ass. Left in my wake will be you, a dork.

Sunday paper

At 10 p.m. on Sunday I walked by a forlorn newspaper sitting on the step of the church across the street. Sad, I thought, that the whole day went by and no one thought to grab the paper as they walked by. No one cared enough to want to read. A telling commentary on our intellectually averse society.

Then I realized "Well, maybe they didn't want to steal from a church." Now who's the asshole Danny? That's right. You are. By you I mean me. I assume you picked up on that.

Getting punched

I think one of the most surprising things I've enjoyed about living in New York City is the chance to kick my own ass a bit. I'm certainly susceptible to getting comfortable and leaving it at that. But here I've forced myself to go out and try and screw up and suck and feel bad and recover. It's addictive. The metaphor I run against again and again is getting punched in the mouth. I like getting my ass kicked (metaphorically) from time to time. It's easy to sit back and assess and critique everything that the media and content creators present to us. But when we are the ones creating the entertainment the burden of enjoyment suddenly rests on our shoulders. If you suck it's because you sucked not because upper management cut your budget in half. It's not because of external factors. It's because of you. Or because you haven't quite figured out the winning formula yet. That's the beauty of stand up. If you succeed you own the success and accolades 100%. It's not an ensemble. It's high risk high reward. Which is why I'm getting out of it starting right now. Kidding. I think.

As much as it hurts to not feel like your ideas were well received, at the end of the night you can pat yourself on the back for putting your ideas out there. You gave it a shot. That in itself I feel falls within the blurry exterior lines of art. Maybe it doesn't but hey there's a decent chance it does.

Something to think about

This is probably too evil but hopefully no one cares on the Internet.

I’m personally not afraid of midgets but I know people that are. Friend of mine is pregnant and she’s terrified her baby will be a midget. So she went to the doctor and asked him, “Excuse me, can you tell me at what stage you can tell if the baby is going to be a midget?"

Doctor: "Ah ma'am we're getting into the midget detection phase of your pregnancy. Basically we're going to do a sonogram and if you hear us start snickering that means your baby is a midget."

If you don't like banana cream pie then you are crazy

This is the best Facebook group yet. Please join and spread the word.

I am having sexual relations with my iPhone

I don't know when it started I just know that it did and I'm happy and there's no turning back. I don't expect you to understand it and I don't want you to understand it because if you understood it then it wouldn't be ours alone.