Some ideas I might try to turn into jokes...
I've watched black guys use the pickup technique of “I’m not going to put up with any of your bullshit tonight” to amazing effect.
I’m barely able to remember which friends of mine have kids. That’s one level of knowledge. Then the next level is knowing their names. I suck at that too. But at least names are constant. Then the third level is knowing how old the kids are. That’s really unfair since it changes. Just a heads up to anyone I’ve ever met—I have no idea how old your kids are. Please don’t expect me to know that.
Girls’ FB status updates. Amanda “knows that every ending, no matter how sad, is another beginning.” Uh what? Shut up!
Hubris in the workplace. Every company thinks they hire the best and the brightest. We all came from the same pool of schools, we’re all “learning something new every day” while “having fun wherever possible.” Every employer says the same thing and wants the same thing. It just creates a big sea of anonymity. Even if you’re a high performer you’re lauded for conforming to a well established standard mold. Excellence in business, at least below the most senior levels (and with creative businesses a possible exception), is really an exercise in conformity.
Go to someone’s house and they offer you a drink and you want to be polite and not make them get you a drink so you say “Oh thanks but I’m fine.” From that second on you’re overwhelmed by the most intense thirst known to man and you’ve got no one but yourself to blame.
How girls get indignant if you don’t remember their name if you’ve only met them 3 times. “You don’t even remember my name do you?”
I don’t think it’s fair that parents get to put up pictures of their kids in the office. I think single people should be able to put up pictures of liquor bottles they just polished off or all the movies they’ve made it through in their Netflix queue or a blurry picture of a hot, random hook up from 3 months ago.
Friend of mine clarified she’s not racist against all minorities. Just the ones that are really loud.
There’s definitely a point in public where you realize “Everyone around me hates me right now.” (Blocking elevator door)
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Head shots
One of the awkward and inescapable aspects of a career in comedy is the specter of ego. I would imagine most comics want to be perceived as the happy go lucky, likable person everyone can relate to. Cracking jokes in the corner long enough can eventually lead to the spotlight--instead of cracking up with a few buddies you try it out on a crowd of strangers. But still, the congenial and sincere everyman seems to be an abiding archetype within the field.
So it was with some trepidation I stepped into a stranger's photography studio on West 39th St. this afternoon. What the hell is this--I'm going to prance and pose for some dude? My only real hope before the session began was to avoid any encounter that could potentially lead to man rape. About 10 minutes in I desperately wished I had booked a session with a female photographer. A man photographing another man for an hour? That kind of shit wouldn't fly in the neighborhood I grew up in.
But the guy seemed nice and I quickly realized that like most other people I've met in New York City he was pursuing a passion and wanted to capture something great on film. Which is why I then forfeited my session to a hot girl. No. Anyway, after evaluating the sad little collection of "outfits" I'd brought (four shirts I thought weren't too wrinkled) we decided to start with some nudes and take it from there. No. Thankfully he was fine with one of the shirts as I had no desire to change more than once in front of another man with a camera nearby. Despite my post adolescent acceptance of the gay lifestyle deep down I'm still a paranoid straight kid evaluating how the neighborhood bullies are interpreting my every move.
Before we start he tells me he's going to step out for a moment. I ask if this is the part where he gets three guys with machine guns and they come back and rob me. It's not. It's the part where he smokes a little dope before we get started. I can't prove this but my trained nose tells me this is exactly what happened. At first I'm jealous. Then I realize a photo session with a man is bad enough sober. High would have been a disaster. I'm not sure my Dad could handle looking at a head shot of his oldest son stoned while being photographed by a man. That's just not what he set out to accomplish.
Now I'm not doing something right with my back. Or my neck. Look natural, damnit. Put your hand on this chair, cross your legs, lean against the ledge near the open window, chin down more. I scold myself briefly for not being able to contort my body the way this man wants me to. God this all sounds so gay.
I'm just being a silly goose. The guy was straight. So straight in fact that we entered into one of those discussions where in the back of my head I think "God I'm glad no girl can hear this." He asks me if I want to hear one of his theories. Yes, I want to hear any and all theories. It involves the ideal age for men and women to just go ape shit on each other sexually. For women, apparently, they have so many eggs just dying to be fertilized at age 26. The beautiful part, you see, is they don't even know it. All they know is that they are horny but we, the savvy men, know the real story. Men, for our part, intrinsically understand once we hit our forties that our prostates are dying and so we want to use up as much of its product as possible before the grave swallows erotic pleasure once and for all.
Hence 26 year old girls and 42 year old men are a combustible combination just itching to be paired up by Eros and his sentimental counterpart. Something tells me 42 year old men are much more in favor of this arrangement than 26 year old women. Anyway, it's a theory and is exactly the kind of theory guys like to discuss with each other. Left unattended guys often ponder two main questions: 1) How can we understand the dynamics of female sexuality? and 2) How can we take advantage of this without their knowledge? But this is no surprise.
After about an hour of pictures I'm desperate to stop. Don't we have enough already? How many do we have? 260. Outside of this session I don't think I own 260 pictures of myself from birth through today. For god's sake we have to find something decent in the 260. And even if we don't let's cut our losses and go back outside on the street where tough people are near.
Left unattended the desire for a perfect head shot could spiral into all other sorts of vain pursuits. If the comedy thing does work out I hope to be known as a sincere, direct, humble person who tells the truth in a funny way. So let's just get a few decent shots, get them printed, and never speak of this again.
So it was with some trepidation I stepped into a stranger's photography studio on West 39th St. this afternoon. What the hell is this--I'm going to prance and pose for some dude? My only real hope before the session began was to avoid any encounter that could potentially lead to man rape. About 10 minutes in I desperately wished I had booked a session with a female photographer. A man photographing another man for an hour? That kind of shit wouldn't fly in the neighborhood I grew up in.
But the guy seemed nice and I quickly realized that like most other people I've met in New York City he was pursuing a passion and wanted to capture something great on film. Which is why I then forfeited my session to a hot girl. No. Anyway, after evaluating the sad little collection of "outfits" I'd brought (four shirts I thought weren't too wrinkled) we decided to start with some nudes and take it from there. No. Thankfully he was fine with one of the shirts as I had no desire to change more than once in front of another man with a camera nearby. Despite my post adolescent acceptance of the gay lifestyle deep down I'm still a paranoid straight kid evaluating how the neighborhood bullies are interpreting my every move.
Before we start he tells me he's going to step out for a moment. I ask if this is the part where he gets three guys with machine guns and they come back and rob me. It's not. It's the part where he smokes a little dope before we get started. I can't prove this but my trained nose tells me this is exactly what happened. At first I'm jealous. Then I realize a photo session with a man is bad enough sober. High would have been a disaster. I'm not sure my Dad could handle looking at a head shot of his oldest son stoned while being photographed by a man. That's just not what he set out to accomplish.
Now I'm not doing something right with my back. Or my neck. Look natural, damnit. Put your hand on this chair, cross your legs, lean against the ledge near the open window, chin down more. I scold myself briefly for not being able to contort my body the way this man wants me to. God this all sounds so gay.
I'm just being a silly goose. The guy was straight. So straight in fact that we entered into one of those discussions where in the back of my head I think "God I'm glad no girl can hear this." He asks me if I want to hear one of his theories. Yes, I want to hear any and all theories. It involves the ideal age for men and women to just go ape shit on each other sexually. For women, apparently, they have so many eggs just dying to be fertilized at age 26. The beautiful part, you see, is they don't even know it. All they know is that they are horny but we, the savvy men, know the real story. Men, for our part, intrinsically understand once we hit our forties that our prostates are dying and so we want to use up as much of its product as possible before the grave swallows erotic pleasure once and for all.
Hence 26 year old girls and 42 year old men are a combustible combination just itching to be paired up by Eros and his sentimental counterpart. Something tells me 42 year old men are much more in favor of this arrangement than 26 year old women. Anyway, it's a theory and is exactly the kind of theory guys like to discuss with each other. Left unattended guys often ponder two main questions: 1) How can we understand the dynamics of female sexuality? and 2) How can we take advantage of this without their knowledge? But this is no surprise.
After about an hour of pictures I'm desperate to stop. Don't we have enough already? How many do we have? 260. Outside of this session I don't think I own 260 pictures of myself from birth through today. For god's sake we have to find something decent in the 260. And even if we don't let's cut our losses and go back outside on the street where tough people are near.
Left unattended the desire for a perfect head shot could spiral into all other sorts of vain pursuits. If the comedy thing does work out I hope to be known as a sincere, direct, humble person who tells the truth in a funny way. So let's just get a few decent shots, get them printed, and never speak of this again.
Always be happy and striving to get better
This from the Texas Rangers broadcasters during tonight's Rangers-Indians game. Not bad fellas.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Up in a tree
Below is basically a verbatim exchange from my stand up class tonight. In other words don't be hating on my grammar and sentence structure. It's late goddamnit. Thank you. Sorry for swearing.
So we had a comedy manager (Rick Dorfmann) review our stand up tonight and give us insight on the industry. He had some interesting things to say about my jokes. Which right now are basically just a random smattering of things I've found amusing. I told him "It's just a bunch of things I think are funny." To which he replied "I know. What you gotta do is take all those things you think are funny and put them through your filter. So you've gotta figure out what that filter is. Figure out the nucleus of the character and then take all these things and push them through from that perspective. There are a couple of themes coming through and I'm not sure what is true and what isn't."
Our course teacher Steve Rosenfield chimed in "Really figure out who you are. The subject is you. What is the material that you telling will bring something to the game that somebody else wouldn't have. Your material should hold up a picture of yourself so people can say 'We get this guy.'"
Rick continued "It's a common denominator thing. Everything should line up in the same place. How do you see yourself?" We were discussing a joke where I describe myself as lazy but actually I don't see myself that way most of the time. I said "I feel like I'm pretty hard working but I'm not doing the thing I want to be doing right now so I get bored with it."
"So do that" he said. "Switch the perspective of the joke from 'I'm lazy' to 'I'm lost. I'm not where I want to be'. That's a good theme. Go down that road. 'I'm a little bit lost. I'm working. I'm a part of society. But I'm not happy because I want to be doing this and I have no idea how to get there'. Put yourself up a tree and throw rocks at yourself."
This exchange crystallized the struggle I imagine any aspiring comic goes through. Who am I? What do I have to say? Can I just say things I think are funny or do I need to establish an identity with the audience? What is my lens, my filter? How can I bring a sense of cohesiveness to my material? What unified DNA will become evident as I speak?
I like the idea of tying the search for personal identity to the search for comedy material. What a great way to explore life and your place in the world--by connecting yourself to others in a (hopefully) funny way. Not to say "finding yourself" has to be achieved before you can be a successful comic. I'm sure there are plenty of "lost" comics out there. But at least the paths to personal and comic identity look like they're connected.
And I don't really feel like I'm "lost." I felt lost after a break up several years ago. But I don't now. Not as much anyway. I think moving to New York and really taking the comedy path seriously have been indications that I'm moving in the right direction for my life. But it does make sense that I'm at a crossroads. The promise and daunting nature of the new versus the comfort and accompanying restlessness of the old.
This post itself is evidence that I like the direction my life is going in. I'm taking things seriously and trying to achieve something extraordinarily difficult. It's certainly a far cry from the traditional path a lot of 33 year olds are on--wife and kids, comfortable home, career track job. And that path does appeal to me and I respect those following it. But I still have this nudge pushing me in another direction for some reason. I get lots of encouragement from people around me for going down this path which is just so nice to have. If you're reading this you're probably one of those people, so thanks.
And hell maybe there isn't a big golden lesson or insight I'm after. Maybe it's just a series of small, incremental pieces of growth. That don't culminate in anything larger or more profound. Maybe each piece just shifts you in a slightly different direction akin to the disk sliding down the Plinko board.
I mean what is the point really? Of any career? Of any life? Can it all be summed up in "serving others" or "personal enlightenment" or a blissful faith or any other Answer? What do you do when you find yourself? Is finding yourself actually desirable? Don't the muddling through and the uncertainty and the discomfort compel you to keep learning and growing?
I seem to be rebelling against the premise of finding yourself. But that really wasn't their point. I embrace the concept of figuring out the nucleus of who you are and pushing things through that filter. What is the nucleus today and how does it inform my (or your) perspective? I think it's a great question for anyone to think through.
The thing I like most about where I'm at with comedy today is I can see the pieces on the board now. I don't know their exact shape or how they fit together but I know they exist and it's up to me to slide them together. That's invigorating.
And yes, I referenced Plinko. Seamlessly I might add.
So we had a comedy manager (Rick Dorfmann) review our stand up tonight and give us insight on the industry. He had some interesting things to say about my jokes. Which right now are basically just a random smattering of things I've found amusing. I told him "It's just a bunch of things I think are funny." To which he replied "I know. What you gotta do is take all those things you think are funny and put them through your filter. So you've gotta figure out what that filter is. Figure out the nucleus of the character and then take all these things and push them through from that perspective. There are a couple of themes coming through and I'm not sure what is true and what isn't."
Our course teacher Steve Rosenfield chimed in "Really figure out who you are. The subject is you. What is the material that you telling will bring something to the game that somebody else wouldn't have. Your material should hold up a picture of yourself so people can say 'We get this guy.'"
Rick continued "It's a common denominator thing. Everything should line up in the same place. How do you see yourself?" We were discussing a joke where I describe myself as lazy but actually I don't see myself that way most of the time. I said "I feel like I'm pretty hard working but I'm not doing the thing I want to be doing right now so I get bored with it."
"So do that" he said. "Switch the perspective of the joke from 'I'm lazy' to 'I'm lost. I'm not where I want to be'. That's a good theme. Go down that road. 'I'm a little bit lost. I'm working. I'm a part of society. But I'm not happy because I want to be doing this and I have no idea how to get there'. Put yourself up a tree and throw rocks at yourself."
This exchange crystallized the struggle I imagine any aspiring comic goes through. Who am I? What do I have to say? Can I just say things I think are funny or do I need to establish an identity with the audience? What is my lens, my filter? How can I bring a sense of cohesiveness to my material? What unified DNA will become evident as I speak?
I like the idea of tying the search for personal identity to the search for comedy material. What a great way to explore life and your place in the world--by connecting yourself to others in a (hopefully) funny way. Not to say "finding yourself" has to be achieved before you can be a successful comic. I'm sure there are plenty of "lost" comics out there. But at least the paths to personal and comic identity look like they're connected.
And I don't really feel like I'm "lost." I felt lost after a break up several years ago. But I don't now. Not as much anyway. I think moving to New York and really taking the comedy path seriously have been indications that I'm moving in the right direction for my life. But it does make sense that I'm at a crossroads. The promise and daunting nature of the new versus the comfort and accompanying restlessness of the old.
This post itself is evidence that I like the direction my life is going in. I'm taking things seriously and trying to achieve something extraordinarily difficult. It's certainly a far cry from the traditional path a lot of 33 year olds are on--wife and kids, comfortable home, career track job. And that path does appeal to me and I respect those following it. But I still have this nudge pushing me in another direction for some reason. I get lots of encouragement from people around me for going down this path which is just so nice to have. If you're reading this you're probably one of those people, so thanks.
And hell maybe there isn't a big golden lesson or insight I'm after. Maybe it's just a series of small, incremental pieces of growth. That don't culminate in anything larger or more profound. Maybe each piece just shifts you in a slightly different direction akin to the disk sliding down the Plinko board.
I mean what is the point really? Of any career? Of any life? Can it all be summed up in "serving others" or "personal enlightenment" or a blissful faith or any other Answer? What do you do when you find yourself? Is finding yourself actually desirable? Don't the muddling through and the uncertainty and the discomfort compel you to keep learning and growing?
I seem to be rebelling against the premise of finding yourself. But that really wasn't their point. I embrace the concept of figuring out the nucleus of who you are and pushing things through that filter. What is the nucleus today and how does it inform my (or your) perspective? I think it's a great question for anyone to think through.
The thing I like most about where I'm at with comedy today is I can see the pieces on the board now. I don't know their exact shape or how they fit together but I know they exist and it's up to me to slide them together. That's invigorating.
And yes, I referenced Plinko. Seamlessly I might add.
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