Religion

Blasphemy warning!

I don't believe in any particular religion. This stance, while dangerous for my purported soul, allows me a great vantage point from which to observe and analyze religious practices without being influenced by their heart tugging messages.

When you step back from it all, you start to see how religions seek power and sway over groups of people. Most coat their underlying commandeering tone with notions of altruism, self worth, and self enhancement. And who doesn't like those concepts?

But as a mainly disinterested religious anthropologist, I really enjoy coming across examples of how religious people used to speak a long time ago. Not specific Bible verses--I'm referring to how these people viewed the world and its inhabitants. They latched onto a particular lens of reality and then used that lens as a hammer against anything they didn't like or that frightened them. Anything that challenged their group's dominance and rightful place in the world.

Some of this is certainly warranted. Groups of people want to be safe and have land on which to raise their families and eke out a living. Nothing wrong with that. But when the power grab goes beyond self protection and assertion, that's when things get interesting. And funny.

I recently read an article about Hawaii's history. Hawaiian Mormons apparently really do not like the Catholic church. Specifically, they describe the Catholic church as the Whore of Babylon. The Whore of Babylon! What a fantastically overwrought and mean spirited thing to say. I love it.

I don't love it because I dislike the Catholic church. I love it because of its unabashed piss and vinegar and its aspirational qualities. Think of the power inherent in such a proclamation. Not only is your group of people wrong in your beliefs but your group is the Whore of Babylon.

What does that even mean? There's still a place called Babylon? And when you go there it has a whore? And the whore is an entire church? Who is sleeping with this whore? Not Mormons I hope! Because if you're a Mormon Babylonian and you go out and get a hooker and your wife finds out you fucked the Whore of Babylon, man is there going to be hell to pay. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, not even Whores of Other Cities.

It's so ridiculous. This idea that your group of people is a whore and my group of people is going to heaven. How could any Catholic ever respect or engage with Hawaiian Mormons? This blanket statement eliminates dialogue and understanding. It's similar to Iran saying Israel should be wiped off the map. It's just a preposterous, unwarranted, selfish thing to say. It's an unvarnished power grab.

I'm not just picking on Hawaiian Mormons. Most all religions have some version of this. We have the right way to heaven. Yours is inferior. How convenient. What a great way to set up a life for yourself that you can rest assured is the best route to happiness here and eternal paradise afterwards. I'm surprised an advertising agency didn't come up with the concept of "eternal paradise." I'm sure they would have had they existed thousands of years ago. Heady stuff.

Why stress yourself with doubt and uncertainty? Let a man bestowed with religious authority come up with weekly lessons on how to live when things get cloudy and stressful. Because without religion guiding your ship you'd be left to figure life out on your own. You'd have to come to terms with death and illness and tragedy without a great big pretty story to make it all palatable. You'd be forced to develop mental strength on your own. Independently.

But hey, if things get lonely out there on your own I know this really hot slut up in Babylon.