Joke ideas

Some ideas I might try to turn into jokes...



I've watched black guys use the pickup technique of “I’m not going to put up with any of your bullshit tonight” to amazing effect.

I’m barely able to remember which friends of mine have kids. That’s one level of knowledge. Then the next level is knowing their names. I suck at that too. But at least names are constant. Then the third level is knowing how old the kids are. That’s really unfair since it changes. Just a heads up to anyone I’ve ever met—I have no idea how old your kids are. Please don’t expect me to know that.

Girls’ FB status updates. Amanda “knows that every ending, no matter how sad, is another beginning.” Uh what? Shut up!

Hubris in the workplace. Every company thinks they hire the best and the brightest. We all came from the same pool of schools, we’re all “learning something new every day” while “having fun wherever possible.” Every employer says the same thing and wants the same thing. It just creates a big sea of anonymity. Even if you’re a high performer you’re lauded for conforming to a well established standard mold. Excellence in business, at least below the most senior levels (and with creative businesses a possible exception), is really an exercise in conformity.

Go to someone’s house and they offer you a drink and you want to be polite and not make them get you a drink so you say “Oh thanks but I’m fine.” From that second on you’re overwhelmed by the most intense thirst known to man and you’ve got no one but yourself to blame.

How girls get indignant if you don’t remember their name if you’ve only met them 3 times. “You don’t even remember my name do you?”

I don’t think it’s fair that parents get to put up pictures of their kids in the office. I think single people should be able to put up pictures of liquor bottles they just polished off or all the movies they’ve made it through in their Netflix queue or a blurry picture of a hot, random hook up from 3 months ago.

Friend of mine clarified she’s not racist against all minorities. Just the ones that are really loud.

There’s definitely a point in public where you realize “Everyone around me hates me right now.” (Blocking elevator door)