Up in a tree

Below is basically a verbatim exchange from my stand up class tonight. In other words don't be hating on my grammar and sentence structure. It's late goddamnit. Thank you. Sorry for swearing.

So we had a comedy manager (Rick Dorfmann) review our stand up tonight and give us insight on the industry. He had some interesting things to say about my jokes. Which right now are basically just a random smattering of things I've found amusing. I told him "It's just a bunch of things I think are funny." To which he replied "I know. What you gotta do is take all those things you think are funny and put them through your filter. So you've gotta figure out what that filter is. Figure out the nucleus of the character and then take all these things and push them through from that perspective. There are a couple of themes coming through and I'm not sure what is true and what isn't."

Our course teacher Steve Rosenfield chimed in "Really figure out who you are. The subject is you. What is the material that you telling will bring something to the game that somebody else wouldn't have. Your material should hold up a picture of yourself so people can say 'We get this guy.'"

Rick continued "It's a common denominator thing. Everything should line up in the same place. How do you see yourself?" We were discussing a joke where I describe myself as lazy but actually I don't see myself that way most of the time. I said "I feel like I'm pretty hard working but I'm not doing the thing I want to be doing right now so I get bored with it."

"So do that" he said. "Switch the perspective of the joke from 'I'm lazy' to 'I'm lost. I'm not where I want to be'. That's a good theme. Go down that road. 'I'm a little bit lost. I'm working. I'm a part of society. But I'm not happy because I want to be doing this and I have no idea how to get there'. Put yourself up a tree and throw rocks at yourself."

This exchange crystallized the struggle I imagine any aspiring comic goes through. Who am I? What do I have to say? Can I just say things I think are funny or do I need to establish an identity with the audience? What is my lens, my filter? How can I bring a sense of cohesiveness to my material? What unified DNA will become evident as I speak?

I like the idea of tying the search for personal identity to the search for comedy material. What a great way to explore life and your place in the world--by connecting yourself to others in a (hopefully) funny way. Not to say "finding yourself" has to be achieved before you can be a successful comic. I'm sure there are plenty of "lost" comics out there. But at least the paths to personal and comic identity look like they're connected.

And I don't really feel like I'm "lost." I felt lost after a break up several years ago. But I don't now. Not as much anyway. I think moving to New York and really taking the comedy path seriously have been indications that I'm moving in the right direction for my life. But it does make sense that I'm at a crossroads. The promise and daunting nature of the new versus the comfort and accompanying restlessness of the old.

This post itself is evidence that I like the direction my life is going in. I'm taking things seriously and trying to achieve something extraordinarily difficult. It's certainly a far cry from the traditional path a lot of 33 year olds are on--wife and kids, comfortable home, career track job. And that path does appeal to me and I respect those following it. But I still have this nudge pushing me in another direction for some reason. I get lots of encouragement from people around me for going down this path which is just so nice to have. If you're reading this you're probably one of those people, so thanks.

And hell maybe there isn't a big golden lesson or insight I'm after. Maybe it's just a series of small, incremental pieces of growth. That don't culminate in anything larger or more profound. Maybe each piece just shifts you in a slightly different direction akin to the disk sliding down the Plinko board.

I mean what is the point really? Of any career? Of any life? Can it all be summed up in "serving others" or "personal enlightenment" or a blissful faith or any other Answer? What do you do when you find yourself? Is finding yourself actually desirable? Don't the muddling through and the uncertainty and the discomfort compel you to keep learning and growing?

I seem to be rebelling against the premise of finding yourself. But that really wasn't their point. I embrace the concept of figuring out the nucleus of who you are and pushing things through that filter. What is the nucleus today and how does it inform my (or your) perspective? I think it's a great question for anyone to think through.

The thing I like most about where I'm at with comedy today is I can see the pieces on the board now. I don't know their exact shape or how they fit together but I know they exist and it's up to me to slide them together. That's invigorating.

And yes, I referenced Plinko. Seamlessly I might add.