Liberation of thought

One of my favorite Simpsons' moments is when Lisa inspires Principal Skinner to lean below his desk and press the Independent Thought Alarm button. At first glance it might appear to be a misguided barb--educational institutions are designed to teach children about intellectual rigor and the development of their creative capacities. So why would a successful product of the system be cause for alarm?

When I was, uh, I don't know how old--let's say 14--I attended a Christian school sponsored summer camp near Weeki Wachi Springs in central Florida. The actual springs have mermaids--an attraction wildly inappropriate for devout junior high students. Half women half fish don't mesh well with Christian orthodoxy. Nearby we focused on normal camp activities followed by evening entertainment and an altar call. Our church pastor concocted a week long series of skits where he played a soldier in the Civil War writing home to his forlorn but devoted wife. Something like that. It was pretty impressive to us kids. Probably one of our first exposures to a theatrical performance.

After the Civil War drama dovetailed nicely into a lesson about being a better Christian, the pastor who I believe we called "Brother Ferris" would lead us in prayer. With great urgency he'd try to convince us to come forward to the altar and publicly commit to the teachings of the evening. To ensure privacy he'd repeat the familiar mantra "Every head bowed every eye closed" in a voice charged with passion and pathos.

The first night Brother Ferris asked us to read our Bibles every day. I was already doing that and strongly in favor of continuing so I stepped forward. After evading a Union soldier ambush on Night Two he pleaded with us to love our parents with all of our hearts. Can't argue that one.

But on Night Three something changed. Brother Ferris asked us to pledge to Jesus not to have sex until we were married. Believe me, this was not an active dilemma in my life at the time. And based on the reception girls at camp gave me it wasn't going to be an issue in the foreseeable future.

I didn't really know what sex was. I had no carnal urge to spread my adolescent seed. But something about that commitment to austerity gave me pause. I sat there breaking a rule by staring at my folded hands.

This was the year I would win Junior Boy Camper of the Week. Still have the trophy. As far as I could tell I was a model Christian. Fully committed with no hesitations. I'd witnessed door to door. But I got stuck on this one.

What if I don't get married for a long time? What if I want to learn about sex before then? How could I commit my future to a principle? As others around me awkwardly slipped out to the altar I stayed. I knew the altar call would end soon. I'd never not gone up at camp. What am I doing? What does this mean if I don't commit?

We were dismissed back to our cabins. There are many ways to divide a life into before and afters. For me, that altar call was probably the most influential inflection point I've ever had. My life has never been the same since. From that evening until I graduated high school I slowly stepped back and started to re evaluate everything I'd been taught through my own nascent filter. Immersed in a religious evironment I trained my thoughts to explore a new path. It came very naturally to me.

By the time I was 17 I announced to myself that I was no longer a Christian. I was perfectly content with my decision but kept it under wraps until I could start to bloom independently in college. I used to "hear" God talking to me. After I stopped believing I realized it wasn't God but me filling in the blanks of what I thought God would say to me. I would set up little tests. Commit small sins and see if they were punished by an all powerful God. They weren't. The whole structure collapsed around me and the ruins filled me with hope. If my mind was powerful enough to dismantle an entrenched orthodoxy what else could it do? Could I apply the same questioning lens to other social structures and institutions? Start to pick out where I agreed with the masses and where I didn't?

To truly think independently is a frightening proposition. Because if you truly commit to following your own path it may turn out to be a path far from that chosen by the people in your life that you love. New pathways are exciting but leaving behind comforting thoughts and structures can be intimidating. But to me it's worth it. I'm certainly no maverick but I do live my life as I see fit. I don't ascribe to structures of thought (religions) developed and handed down over centuries. I'm sure there is plenty to learn from 2,000 year old scrolls but I'm not organizing my moral precepts around them. I respect religion and the positive role it plays in many people's lives including my parents but it's not for me. At least not now. Hopefully my intellectual openness will continue as I age and I'll always be willing to incorporate new information and insights.

But for now I'm content to revel in my liberation. I haven't looked back since I stared down at my hands that night. Today I'm trying to develop a strong, interesting voice in the field of comedy. I think my early experiences sharpened my intellectual curiosity and laid the foundation for the voice I have and the voice I'm developing.

I think if most teachers reviewed the bland sea of sameness that comes across in many people's Facebook status updates they'd be a little disappointed. You don't go to school for 12 years so you can spout out cliches the rest of your life about how you can't wait for Friday. You're supposed to be developing a perspective, a point of view. Thinking things through. It's easy to live a life of conformity. Tops on the reasons why list is that it doesn't require much thought. It's comforting, simple, and incredibly dull.

And come to think of it, it's a good thing I didn't commit to a life of chastity before marriage. If I had I'd be a 33 year old virgin today. Not even Brother Ferris would wish that on me. I hope.