Sunday, July 29, 2012
Comic Bible Magazine Questionairre
Comic Bible Magazine recently asked me to answer some questions about comedy for possible use in their publication. Here are my responses:
Most inspiring thing ever told to you by someone in the business:
I read a lot of comic interviews and a quote from Finesse Mitchell has always stood out in my mind. It's on the top of a list of comedy related quotes I keep on my phone:
"If you're out there getting your hustle on, follow your dreams. Don't waver. Just keep going. Cause you never know where it's going to lead you. You never know."
I love this idea because it provides motivation to work hard today no matter what kind of results you happen to be achieving at the moment. The future is a big unknowable mass of possibility. Who is to say which individuals will capitalize on the opportunities available? The future is up in the air. All you can do is keep your nose to the grindstone and see where your talent and grit lead. You may not be able to control external forces but you certainly can do your best to be in a position to be positively influenced by them.
I also like Whitney Cummings' advice: "Don't have a competitive mindset with other comics. Just work on your material." Such a simple idea but it's a great guiding mantra while you're grinding it out every day. Just get better.
When did you realize that comedy isn't all fun and games and telling jokes -(a goof off job) and that if you wanted a career in comedy it involves work?
Before I took the plunge and moved to New York from Atlanta a friend of mine gently nudged me to understand that great comics perform all the time. They don't do an open mic or two a week and hope for the best. They are constantly working and writing and performing. So when I moved to New York and started to spend more and more time with other comics I noticed that they were performing every night and working really hard. I realized that to succeed I had to work at least as hard as the people ahead of me. That's when my focus and resolve really gelled into place.
How much of comedy is business?
If you define comedy as making other people laugh then comedy can be completely divorced from "business." People across the country make their friends laugh all the time. The comedy business deftly commoditizes this universal element of existence. So defining comedy as an art form that people pay to see is when business becomes a significant, driving force. Most serious comedians don't want to perform for free forever so the business aspects of comedy become of critical significance to them. So at this professional level I'd say over 50% of comedy is business. You have to develop an exceptional, funny product and then find the right buyers for it. Those buyers might be comedy club audiences, road bookers, or industry representatives. Getting super funny while tying in to these revenue channels is the art of the business of comedy.
Danny Palmer
"Danny is an on the rise comic in NYC who has been passed to perform at several top clubs around town and has participated in four festivals thus far in 2012. In April, he was nominated for Best Stand Up at the Los Angeles Comedy Festival. To contact Danny about booking him email dannypalmercomedy@gmail.com. You can also type in "Danny Palmer" on YouTube to review his act."
Twitter: DannyPalmerNYC
YouTube channel: dannypalmer
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Evolution of how I thought my life would go
I’ve never had a good conception of how my life was going to turn out. Whatever I thought was going to happen never really happened. When I was in high school I couldn’t even fathom the idea of getting married. It was blurry and fuzzy and very far off. I just assumed that at some point around senior year of college I’d meet this crazy hot blonde girl who could never get enough sex and we’d ride off in a convertible with our amazing jobs and unique style of interacting that others around us always commented on. “You two have such amazing chemistry. You’re so perfect for each other!” Well, we don’t want to be arrogant or anything, but…we know. My little sugar princess.
Then I remember graduating from college and the first couple years after going to weddings of people that met in school. I was a little jealous of them but at the same time I was like “Really? You guys are calling it quits on what’s out there already?” And it’s funny because I still kind of feel the same way even though I’m 35.
All the time you hear people say “I’m too old for that.” And the people saying this are invariably in their twenties and thirties. You’re not too old for things in your twenties and thirties! You’ll never be this young again. However old you are today, you’ll never be this young again. That’s important. A lot of people just glaze over about what they’re supposed to be doing when they hit their mid twenties. I got a job, I got a wife or a husband, I got a house. And Dancing With The Stars comes on at nine. I’m not saying all those milestones and achievements aren’t important. I’m just saying they shouldn’t be perceived as a checklist and when the checklist is complete it’s okay to sit back and say “Well I’m done learning and growing and exploring now. I’ve done my time.” Just because society only expects you to go to school for a certain number of years doesn’t mean when that regimen is complete you just throw in the towel on pushing yourself to grow and develop.
Because look we’re all going to be dead in 60-70 years, maybe less. People are afraid of existentialism because it seems to lead to despondency. But I think it imbues life with a much greater sense of urgency and beauty. If you’re unsure if a better life exists after this one it makes sense that you would pour all of your energy and passion into making this life the best it can be. I think it’s important to create a sense of meaning for yourself in your life and to never be content and to always be restless. Think of all the thousands of years of history and the dead people it yielded that had their time here and will never have it again. Don’t we owe it to them to make sure we are trying to figure out why we’re here? And since we’ll always fall short of that goal we should still push to create the best reality we can. And always be thinking about how to create a better reality.
Anyway, every time I couldn’t figure out how my life would turn out it always ends up being good in a different way. I don’t have a wife or children but in return I am blessed with time to pursue things that are meaningful and substantial. Not that I couldn’t if I had kids, but I definitely would have less time to do those things if I had kids. I know for a fact that I’ll never be exposed to more than one percent of the ideas and information that I’d like to be. It’s impossible. The world is too large and contains too much information and history for any one person to grasp more than a miniscule amount of its content and meaning.
I’m sure I’m fucking something up right now. There are things I should be doing that I’m not doing and whatever I focus on now takes time away from focusing on other things that may be more important. So later in life I’ll look back and think “I should have worked more on X” or “I should have spent more time with Y.” But those regrets and the inability to change the past will always exist no matter what choices you make.
Then I remember graduating from college and the first couple years after going to weddings of people that met in school. I was a little jealous of them but at the same time I was like “Really? You guys are calling it quits on what’s out there already?” And it’s funny because I still kind of feel the same way even though I’m 35.
All the time you hear people say “I’m too old for that.” And the people saying this are invariably in their twenties and thirties. You’re not too old for things in your twenties and thirties! You’ll never be this young again. However old you are today, you’ll never be this young again. That’s important. A lot of people just glaze over about what they’re supposed to be doing when they hit their mid twenties. I got a job, I got a wife or a husband, I got a house. And Dancing With The Stars comes on at nine. I’m not saying all those milestones and achievements aren’t important. I’m just saying they shouldn’t be perceived as a checklist and when the checklist is complete it’s okay to sit back and say “Well I’m done learning and growing and exploring now. I’ve done my time.” Just because society only expects you to go to school for a certain number of years doesn’t mean when that regimen is complete you just throw in the towel on pushing yourself to grow and develop.
Because look we’re all going to be dead in 60-70 years, maybe less. People are afraid of existentialism because it seems to lead to despondency. But I think it imbues life with a much greater sense of urgency and beauty. If you’re unsure if a better life exists after this one it makes sense that you would pour all of your energy and passion into making this life the best it can be. I think it’s important to create a sense of meaning for yourself in your life and to never be content and to always be restless. Think of all the thousands of years of history and the dead people it yielded that had their time here and will never have it again. Don’t we owe it to them to make sure we are trying to figure out why we’re here? And since we’ll always fall short of that goal we should still push to create the best reality we can. And always be thinking about how to create a better reality.
Anyway, every time I couldn’t figure out how my life would turn out it always ends up being good in a different way. I don’t have a wife or children but in return I am blessed with time to pursue things that are meaningful and substantial. Not that I couldn’t if I had kids, but I definitely would have less time to do those things if I had kids. I know for a fact that I’ll never be exposed to more than one percent of the ideas and information that I’d like to be. It’s impossible. The world is too large and contains too much information and history for any one person to grasp more than a miniscule amount of its content and meaning.
I’m sure I’m fucking something up right now. There are things I should be doing that I’m not doing and whatever I focus on now takes time away from focusing on other things that may be more important. So later in life I’ll look back and think “I should have worked more on X” or “I should have spent more time with Y.” But those regrets and the inability to change the past will always exist no matter what choices you make.
Developing a writing style
My approach to writing July 2011 has two distinct streams: 1) Joke writing. 2) Free association, stream of consciousness thoughts that develop and explore an overall life philosophy. They seem to be separate activities so far but hopefully over time they will merge so the more reflective, philosophical thoughts will yield jokes. I’ve been trying to tie these two streams of thoughts together but for some reason they stay unbinded. One reason is that when I start writing about more philosophical things I develop a lecturing tone. Like I have something the world doesn’t understand and needs to be taught. It feels stringent and harsh and not funny. And I’ve been frustrated by that but I think I’m just going to accept it and let it develop at its own pace and be okay with the fact that joke writing diverges from my overall thoughts about life. That’s how it is now. If I keep working on both tracks of thought at some point they’ll merge or I’ll develop a better approach just by continuing to work.
Status Updates
People sometimes comment that they like my status updates. Other times they comment that my status updates suck. Either way just fucking deal with it. Here are some that could be fun. ?
It's probably for the best that tigers are an endangered species. They're simply too dangerous.
Do all male mammals have dicks? I assume so.
I think it's time for Shawn Mullins to stop putting out albums. We get it, you had that one song.
What the hell is that dripping onto me from an awning on 8th St.? If it's urine I'm going to be upset.
Not sure you should be wearing a Baby Phat t shirt if you have too much of the adult kind.
Please let me know when Douchey McDouche Tim Tebow retires. Nobody wants to read your vain, poorly written book. Nobody cool anyway.
Tripped while walking up stairs behind a hot girl. Immediately countered it by telling her I'm good in bed.
You ever clap too close to your head and it makes your ears ring? That shouldn't be possible.
It's always disheartening to see soccer players using a baseball field. Fucking it all up with their dorkrod long socks.
It sucks when you're working and you leave a message for someone to call you back and then they do. Cause then you have to do more work.
It's probably for the best that tigers are an endangered species. They're simply too dangerous.
Do all male mammals have dicks? I assume so.
I think it's time for Shawn Mullins to stop putting out albums. We get it, you had that one song.
What the hell is that dripping onto me from an awning on 8th St.? If it's urine I'm going to be upset.
Not sure you should be wearing a Baby Phat t shirt if you have too much of the adult kind.
Please let me know when Douchey McDouche Tim Tebow retires. Nobody wants to read your vain, poorly written book. Nobody cool anyway.
Tripped while walking up stairs behind a hot girl. Immediately countered it by telling her I'm good in bed.
You ever clap too close to your head and it makes your ears ring? That shouldn't be possible.
It's always disheartening to see soccer players using a baseball field. Fucking it all up with their dorkrod long socks.
It sucks when you're working and you leave a message for someone to call you back and then they do. Cause then you have to do more work.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
What you should do to be better, like me
They say if you’re a comedian that you should write every day. So am I just supposed to start writing? What the fuck am I supposed to write? Something that some drunk laptop snooper will pull up late one night after I fall asleep and read and mock me for? Great. Let’s get right to that. Well I’m putting this on my blog so I guess it doesn’t even matter.
Free association typing is supposed to open up your soul and enter your subconscious. Supposedly there’s this deep trove of art or some shit in there. But apparently you have to write for 7,000 hours before you can get to it. Let me get cracking on that assignment.
Allen Ginsberg said if you write all day you’ll get to your feelings and your consciousness. All day? Really? Fuck dude. I don’t mind thinking all day but writing all day? Maybe I should train my mind to get better at writing for longer periods of time. I’ll turn into this evil little hermit writer who peers suspiciously over his shoulder while he writes and is always showing up a little late for chess matches. There. I changed “appointments” to “matches.” Maybe writing does make your thinking sharper. It’s working! Oh my god you guys it’s working! I’m fucking brilliant now! This only took two paragraphs! What a euphoria I swim in.
I don’t mind thinking ridiculous things all day, some of which are probably tedious or self indulgent or both. If I start capturing all that shit on paper it’s going to document and catalog my ridiculousness. But wait, the redeeming part: No one will care. That’s the best part. No one cares about the minutiae of other people’s lives. Not really. Not for long. Or even if they do it’s a small subset of people. It’s all about what Dave Eggers wrote in A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. He talked about how many people he’d slept with and then published it in a book that sold millions of copies. Today, how many people in this country could identify how many people he’d slept with when he wrote that book? A few thousand? Maybe? And how many out of that group care? Or know him?
That’s why it’s okay to be brave in this world. Because we’re not going to be here for long. It really doesn’t matter. I mean, things matter. I’m not a nihilist. But it’s okay to do ridiculous things and say asinine comments because there’s no need to be prisoners of other people’s eyes as they said in the Ab Fab courtroom scene.
Four paragraphs in and now I’m writing the end of an 80’s movie? Really, with the schmaltz? That’s the thing with my mind. I always have the junior high bully palling around somewhere in there. Keeping an eye out for sap or hubris or commonplace ideas that have already been stated thousands of times. Nothing new under the sun right?
The bully character can be perceived as bad but I think a big part of him is good actually. Without the editor and the critic it can devolve into drivel. I don’t know why I fight sitting down and writing so much. This reminds me of the time in college when I didn’t write my paper on time and so instead I wrote a small essay explaining why I hadn’t written my paper. That didn’t go over well.
College was fun. College was the best. Everyone was so focused on finding the best things to laugh at. Coming up with ridiculous, funny comments. And just getting really drunk. The drunk part was awesome, I felt, because it allowed us all to let our guards down and really get to know each other. I’m sure the sober kids knew each other well too but I’m pretty certain we had more fun. Sorry, but that’s kind of how it went.
There were people in college that spent their weekend nights holed up in the top floor of the library. What? Why would you do that? So their GPAs were between .0 and .7 points higher than mine ultimately. So what? Are those 6 extra bags of money when you’re 45 going to justify the fun you missed when you were 20? I don’t think so.
But hell, why should I have an axe to grind against those kids? If you have an axe to grind doesn’t that make for good comedy? I feel like in the past 5 or so years I’ve had something of an axe to grind against my peers who just went and did what everyone else did. Like my friend Eva at Case Western. She was 22 or 23 and said she wanted to get married so she could “get her life over with.” She was kidding, but not really. Get your life over with? Really?
It’s not that I have a beef with any particular life path. I just have an issue with the people that don’t put thought into why they choose a particular path. If you don’t think about your life and what it should be like you’ll just drift along and do whatever the majority does. But why is the majority doing what they’re doing? Maybe the majority is sick of the status quo, like what’s happening in Egypt. Maybe everyone else is just about fed up with things as they are but they haven’t reached the critical mass to do anything about it yet. So don’t do what they’re doing because it seems like the proper thing to do.
Sit down and think about shit intensely and drive yourself insane like I do. I don’t really drive myself insane. I like the Dave Eggers idea of having a mind that is constantly churning though. He wouldn’t have it any other way. Churning is the ideal state. Constantly pushing, revising, trying out new ideas, failing, re strategizing, re thinking, and then just drinking with your friends.
I like that I have a day job and do comedy at night. When I was in high school my grades went up when I started working on nights and weekends. I think you have to constantly be putting your mind through a wringer. Constantly show it new things. That’s why I get frustrated when people write off any particular medium. “I don’t watch TV.” What? You don’t take advantage of one of the clearest forms of communication we have available to us, a form of communication that is often elevated to art? Well, that sucks. Sorry to hear that. Any medium can provide new ideas, new information, new ways of thinking.
I’ve got these two new apps on my iPhone that I’m excited about. One is a collection of poetry where you spin a wheel and it puts together a hodgepodge of themes and poems around those themes. The other is an art application that has paintings and bios from great artists spanning different eras. I don’t know shit about art. And I don’t like schlepping up to the Upper East Side on weekends so I don’t spend as much time in museums as I should. But I can scroll through 50 Cezanne paintings any time I want now. That dude did not fuck around. Picasso said basically that he was the father of art or some shit like that. Who knew?
I’m really excited about where technology is headed. Phones are now just constant educational devices if you use them that way. That’s why I don’t download games on my phone. I like spending downtime reading or creating or let’s be honest just doing a great deal of drugs and staring ahead into space.
Free association typing is supposed to open up your soul and enter your subconscious. Supposedly there’s this deep trove of art or some shit in there. But apparently you have to write for 7,000 hours before you can get to it. Let me get cracking on that assignment.
Allen Ginsberg said if you write all day you’ll get to your feelings and your consciousness. All day? Really? Fuck dude. I don’t mind thinking all day but writing all day? Maybe I should train my mind to get better at writing for longer periods of time. I’ll turn into this evil little hermit writer who peers suspiciously over his shoulder while he writes and is always showing up a little late for chess matches. There. I changed “appointments” to “matches.” Maybe writing does make your thinking sharper. It’s working! Oh my god you guys it’s working! I’m fucking brilliant now! This only took two paragraphs! What a euphoria I swim in.
I don’t mind thinking ridiculous things all day, some of which are probably tedious or self indulgent or both. If I start capturing all that shit on paper it’s going to document and catalog my ridiculousness. But wait, the redeeming part: No one will care. That’s the best part. No one cares about the minutiae of other people’s lives. Not really. Not for long. Or even if they do it’s a small subset of people. It’s all about what Dave Eggers wrote in A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. He talked about how many people he’d slept with and then published it in a book that sold millions of copies. Today, how many people in this country could identify how many people he’d slept with when he wrote that book? A few thousand? Maybe? And how many out of that group care? Or know him?
That’s why it’s okay to be brave in this world. Because we’re not going to be here for long. It really doesn’t matter. I mean, things matter. I’m not a nihilist. But it’s okay to do ridiculous things and say asinine comments because there’s no need to be prisoners of other people’s eyes as they said in the Ab Fab courtroom scene.
Four paragraphs in and now I’m writing the end of an 80’s movie? Really, with the schmaltz? That’s the thing with my mind. I always have the junior high bully palling around somewhere in there. Keeping an eye out for sap or hubris or commonplace ideas that have already been stated thousands of times. Nothing new under the sun right?
The bully character can be perceived as bad but I think a big part of him is good actually. Without the editor and the critic it can devolve into drivel. I don’t know why I fight sitting down and writing so much. This reminds me of the time in college when I didn’t write my paper on time and so instead I wrote a small essay explaining why I hadn’t written my paper. That didn’t go over well.
College was fun. College was the best. Everyone was so focused on finding the best things to laugh at. Coming up with ridiculous, funny comments. And just getting really drunk. The drunk part was awesome, I felt, because it allowed us all to let our guards down and really get to know each other. I’m sure the sober kids knew each other well too but I’m pretty certain we had more fun. Sorry, but that’s kind of how it went.
There were people in college that spent their weekend nights holed up in the top floor of the library. What? Why would you do that? So their GPAs were between .0 and .7 points higher than mine ultimately. So what? Are those 6 extra bags of money when you’re 45 going to justify the fun you missed when you were 20? I don’t think so.
But hell, why should I have an axe to grind against those kids? If you have an axe to grind doesn’t that make for good comedy? I feel like in the past 5 or so years I’ve had something of an axe to grind against my peers who just went and did what everyone else did. Like my friend Eva at Case Western. She was 22 or 23 and said she wanted to get married so she could “get her life over with.” She was kidding, but not really. Get your life over with? Really?
It’s not that I have a beef with any particular life path. I just have an issue with the people that don’t put thought into why they choose a particular path. If you don’t think about your life and what it should be like you’ll just drift along and do whatever the majority does. But why is the majority doing what they’re doing? Maybe the majority is sick of the status quo, like what’s happening in Egypt. Maybe everyone else is just about fed up with things as they are but they haven’t reached the critical mass to do anything about it yet. So don’t do what they’re doing because it seems like the proper thing to do.
Sit down and think about shit intensely and drive yourself insane like I do. I don’t really drive myself insane. I like the Dave Eggers idea of having a mind that is constantly churning though. He wouldn’t have it any other way. Churning is the ideal state. Constantly pushing, revising, trying out new ideas, failing, re strategizing, re thinking, and then just drinking with your friends.
I like that I have a day job and do comedy at night. When I was in high school my grades went up when I started working on nights and weekends. I think you have to constantly be putting your mind through a wringer. Constantly show it new things. That’s why I get frustrated when people write off any particular medium. “I don’t watch TV.” What? You don’t take advantage of one of the clearest forms of communication we have available to us, a form of communication that is often elevated to art? Well, that sucks. Sorry to hear that. Any medium can provide new ideas, new information, new ways of thinking.
I’ve got these two new apps on my iPhone that I’m excited about. One is a collection of poetry where you spin a wheel and it puts together a hodgepodge of themes and poems around those themes. The other is an art application that has paintings and bios from great artists spanning different eras. I don’t know shit about art. And I don’t like schlepping up to the Upper East Side on weekends so I don’t spend as much time in museums as I should. But I can scroll through 50 Cezanne paintings any time I want now. That dude did not fuck around. Picasso said basically that he was the father of art or some shit like that. Who knew?
I’m really excited about where technology is headed. Phones are now just constant educational devices if you use them that way. That’s why I don’t download games on my phone. I like spending downtime reading or creating or let’s be honest just doing a great deal of drugs and staring ahead into space.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Striking out at a couples resort
My friend Ally put together an August trip to Jamaica a few months ago. It's difficult to think of anything more depressing than traveling for vacation alone yet as a single person it can be hard to corral several people to go to the particular destination you're interested in at the particular time you can go. So I was glad someone else did the dirty work of organizing and comparing rates and all that time consuming, maddening activity that detracts from getting through Season 3 of Mad Men or rushing home from a bar to watch Jersey Shore.
As it turned out the trip involved five single guys and a couple. It was supposed to be four single guys and two couples but a break up just before the trip left us with the trip organizer as the only girl in attendance. The break up didn't bother me as I was glad to have another person along also not getting laid. But actually we weren't really worried about that, seeing as how we were going to be getting mad tail at the all inclusive, drinks are free 24/7 resort waiting for us in Ocho Rios. It means eight rivers or some shit like that. No one cares what it means. It's a place with a beach.
What we didn't quite think through well enough, though, is the fact that most people aren't going to book a trip to the Caribbean without having an active sex partner tagging along. I vaguely considered this potential stick in the spokes but felt confident that a few extremely intoxicated women “trapped” on an island would be more than willing to force my roommate to sleep in the lobby or out on a deck chair somewhere. If either of us had the opportunity to bring a girl back to our room it was understood the other would bury themselves in sand for the night or find some way to suffer through till morning hit and the bedded down woman awoke to consider her all inclusive walk of shame and whether or not the dalliance would be repeated. It was just a matter of using our charm to show the girls why they should be interested in extremely drunk men sharing a hotel room.
Well they weren't. The brilliantly beautiful daylight hours seemed to carry with them an unwritten code not to hit on women while they sunned themselves and desperately avoided thoughts of work. Exerting effort to fend off awkward advances would have strayed dangerously close to work territory. So we gathered piecemeal bits of sexual intelligence while pretending to read and shared them amongst ourselves, hoping to turn raw, uninformed data into a late night make out session with a well timed and strategically informed advance later that evening.
That might have worked a little better if the entertainment at the resort hadn't surpassed our understanding of how bad live entertainment can be. But once a show that drags on for two hours starts to suck, it has the auxillary effect of stifling the sociability and libido of every audience members in attendance. Except the kids. The kids do not give a shit. They just want to see balloons pop.
I've seen this slow crowd death happen in stand up and it most certainly happens at a resort where 250 captive audience members aren't quite certain what to make of what's happening on stage. “Alright, they started dancing (badly) to that song but then they left the stage a minute in. Why did that happen? Then after the song ended the lights came back on and there was no music and nothing happened for five minutes. Did someone fall ill backstage? Is the show over? Is this an unannounced intermission?” It's one thing to not enjoy a play or a movie. It's another to remain in a state of confusion for two hours and feel your emotions cycle from amusement to scorn to bemused detachment to wholehearted despair.
I can understand how three pairs of dancers missed every possible chance at successful choreography during every song they performed every night while all the while carrying an air that they're taking a well needed pause from sizzling careers on Broadway. I understand they don't have the training they need and we're the assholes for forcing poor people to dance for us. I'm always impressed with anyone brave enough to act or dance on stage. I don't fault them as individuals and as someone who tries his best to entertain crowds I know how tough it can be. But niceties aside, the politely constrained sense of confusion that quickly settled over the crowd each evening during these performances really hampered my game. That's what we're going with for now.
The other thing is that if you only have three single girls in a crowd of 250 people that means you've really got to play your cards right. If they shoot you down your only remaining option is to steal a girl from her boyfriend. The same guy she's sharing a hotel room with and most likely has had sex with in the past 12 hours. That's not going to happen.
Well, it could. What if the guy was being a total dick and she couldn't take it anymore and so he leaves the resort three days early, summoning the next available Chinese manufactured tour bus back to the airport? Now his hot girlfriend is all alone, stifling tears and determined to have a good time anyway. Just to spite him, the fucker. See now we've got a hot girl with an ax to grind and a suddenly lonely hotel room to fill. Just a matter of time before that scenario falls together. Years maybe, but it could happen. Alright, but you don't have to be a dick about it.
So no one got laid. But that's okay. We weren't there to get laid. We were there to relax, have a great time with friends, and take a break from our achievement oriented lifestyles for a while. But mainly to get laid.
As it turned out the trip involved five single guys and a couple. It was supposed to be four single guys and two couples but a break up just before the trip left us with the trip organizer as the only girl in attendance. The break up didn't bother me as I was glad to have another person along also not getting laid. But actually we weren't really worried about that, seeing as how we were going to be getting mad tail at the all inclusive, drinks are free 24/7 resort waiting for us in Ocho Rios. It means eight rivers or some shit like that. No one cares what it means. It's a place with a beach.
What we didn't quite think through well enough, though, is the fact that most people aren't going to book a trip to the Caribbean without having an active sex partner tagging along. I vaguely considered this potential stick in the spokes but felt confident that a few extremely intoxicated women “trapped” on an island would be more than willing to force my roommate to sleep in the lobby or out on a deck chair somewhere. If either of us had the opportunity to bring a girl back to our room it was understood the other would bury themselves in sand for the night or find some way to suffer through till morning hit and the bedded down woman awoke to consider her all inclusive walk of shame and whether or not the dalliance would be repeated. It was just a matter of using our charm to show the girls why they should be interested in extremely drunk men sharing a hotel room.
Well they weren't. The brilliantly beautiful daylight hours seemed to carry with them an unwritten code not to hit on women while they sunned themselves and desperately avoided thoughts of work. Exerting effort to fend off awkward advances would have strayed dangerously close to work territory. So we gathered piecemeal bits of sexual intelligence while pretending to read and shared them amongst ourselves, hoping to turn raw, uninformed data into a late night make out session with a well timed and strategically informed advance later that evening.
That might have worked a little better if the entertainment at the resort hadn't surpassed our understanding of how bad live entertainment can be. But once a show that drags on for two hours starts to suck, it has the auxillary effect of stifling the sociability and libido of every audience members in attendance. Except the kids. The kids do not give a shit. They just want to see balloons pop.
I've seen this slow crowd death happen in stand up and it most certainly happens at a resort where 250 captive audience members aren't quite certain what to make of what's happening on stage. “Alright, they started dancing (badly) to that song but then they left the stage a minute in. Why did that happen? Then after the song ended the lights came back on and there was no music and nothing happened for five minutes. Did someone fall ill backstage? Is the show over? Is this an unannounced intermission?” It's one thing to not enjoy a play or a movie. It's another to remain in a state of confusion for two hours and feel your emotions cycle from amusement to scorn to bemused detachment to wholehearted despair.
I can understand how three pairs of dancers missed every possible chance at successful choreography during every song they performed every night while all the while carrying an air that they're taking a well needed pause from sizzling careers on Broadway. I understand they don't have the training they need and we're the assholes for forcing poor people to dance for us. I'm always impressed with anyone brave enough to act or dance on stage. I don't fault them as individuals and as someone who tries his best to entertain crowds I know how tough it can be. But niceties aside, the politely constrained sense of confusion that quickly settled over the crowd each evening during these performances really hampered my game. That's what we're going with for now.
The other thing is that if you only have three single girls in a crowd of 250 people that means you've really got to play your cards right. If they shoot you down your only remaining option is to steal a girl from her boyfriend. The same guy she's sharing a hotel room with and most likely has had sex with in the past 12 hours. That's not going to happen.
Well, it could. What if the guy was being a total dick and she couldn't take it anymore and so he leaves the resort three days early, summoning the next available Chinese manufactured tour bus back to the airport? Now his hot girlfriend is all alone, stifling tears and determined to have a good time anyway. Just to spite him, the fucker. See now we've got a hot girl with an ax to grind and a suddenly lonely hotel room to fill. Just a matter of time before that scenario falls together. Years maybe, but it could happen. Alright, but you don't have to be a dick about it.
So no one got laid. But that's okay. We weren't there to get laid. We were there to relax, have a great time with friends, and take a break from our achievement oriented lifestyles for a while. But mainly to get laid.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
The audience
Now that I've been doing stand up fairly regularly for about a year I've developed a sense of The Audience. I never thought much about The Audience before I started doing stand up. I just assumed that if you were funny everyone would laugh and that's that. But audiences are comprised of complex, multifaceted individuals with varying life experiences and motives. Any particular audience member may react one way to a joke one day and in a completely different manner on another.
An individual may laugh at something alone in her home or in a small group of friends when no one else is around. But obviously in a public setting we all place a discerning lens on our behavior to ensure we generally comply with norms and aren't singled out as bizarre or problematic. So to get people to laugh in public you have to navigate your way past the "This is how I'm supposed to behave in public" veneer most people have to get them comfortable and laughing.
In a comedy club, the audience has a predicament. As a single entity, which it becomes to some degree when the show begins, an audience has limited means to express its collective feelings. Each member can't shout out a response or provide feedback or the room would devolve into chaos. So the feelings an audience can communicate most clearly are approval, concern, and disinterest. As a comic, I have to respect the fact that they only have a few choices. Too often I see comics interpret silence as an indication that the audience wasn't smart enough to understand the joke. No, my friend, they got it--it just wasn't funny.
So for me I am trying to respect the audience's predicament, treat them as an equal, and build up a trusting relationship where they feel comfortable with me and natural in their own skin. Obviously this is one of the primary challenges of stand up. Hopefully demonstrating respect for the people sitting there listening to you will help build a successful evening.
An individual may laugh at something alone in her home or in a small group of friends when no one else is around. But obviously in a public setting we all place a discerning lens on our behavior to ensure we generally comply with norms and aren't singled out as bizarre or problematic. So to get people to laugh in public you have to navigate your way past the "This is how I'm supposed to behave in public" veneer most people have to get them comfortable and laughing.
In a comedy club, the audience has a predicament. As a single entity, which it becomes to some degree when the show begins, an audience has limited means to express its collective feelings. Each member can't shout out a response or provide feedback or the room would devolve into chaos. So the feelings an audience can communicate most clearly are approval, concern, and disinterest. As a comic, I have to respect the fact that they only have a few choices. Too often I see comics interpret silence as an indication that the audience wasn't smart enough to understand the joke. No, my friend, they got it--it just wasn't funny.
So for me I am trying to respect the audience's predicament, treat them as an equal, and build up a trusting relationship where they feel comfortable with me and natural in their own skin. Obviously this is one of the primary challenges of stand up. Hopefully demonstrating respect for the people sitting there listening to you will help build a successful evening.
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